Break Through

"Magpakatao"ka muna (be a human first or be humane). I will be referring to the first English translation for this blog. Why? I was thinking of how to really bring people to Jesus. But as I ponder about it, it should be the other way around. I was gifted generously with time and talent, and hopefully soon, treasures. I got positioned into service teams because people think I have nothing to do. I actually have so many if I will prioritize earning more. But its a personal conviction to prioritize God and services before anything else, right or wrong, I believe, as I always does, that such is between me and God.

This blog would really be long, I suppose. There are so many things running through my head right now. Last night, it was almost 1am and I haven't slept a bit. It has been 6 weeks now, I think, that this thought has kept on bugging me and pinching my heart. I was wishing it would juts go away. But it has not. I felt so betrayed, and last night, I cried about it again. And I feel I cannot go on.

This morning, I was talking with one sister. She said it feels like someone stands in front, but deep inside, the person is not really okay. However, it is true that serving God should not depend on how you are feeling, but there are times when you just want to be human. Call it immature or what, but I think only those who have been hurt the most, and accepted the fact that it is human to hurt, will fully understand. Not using the excuse of "Sapagkat kamiý tao lamang", but is it not Jesus became human because God wants us to realize that despite Him being God, he became man to show us that He can truly empathize with us, weaknesses and all. I am not rationalizing on anything. Not at all. Going back to that sister's comment, a thought hit me, "the show must go on!"...showbiz?...why?....I think something must really be wrong.  Is it the relationship missing? If it is, I am looking for it. I am guilty, too. I pray it will come back. But I am struggling now,  I cannot comprehend what has happened to me last Nov.3 and what happened 23 days later.

I cannot write anymore yet.... I will try tomorrow. The wind is harsher today.  Pray for me.